
I should have realized something wasn’t quite right when the plumber called me 15 minutes before he was due to say he would be an hour late. Two hours later we’re not only replacing our water heater, but it turns out we have to buy a second one in order to heat all the water in our new house.
You only went downhill from there.
Shortly after, I made my way to a new member meeting for the young women's league I joined. But not before I knocked on the door of the wrong woman’s house. She looked at me like I had five heads before pointing me in the right direction.
When I finally arrived, I was promptly put to work cooking pasta and cutting vegetables. The plan was to cook dinner for the local shelter.
I was immediately chastised for cutting the broccoli stems too short.
Apparently I am too “young” to remember the days when people ate the entire piece of broccoli. Well I guess those “young women” in the league are also older than my mom, who also doesn’t remember those days…
Thanks, Mom!
When my pasta was ready, I politely called out that I needed the sink. All parties moved aside and I lifted the lobster pot brimming with boiling water to the sink.
All parties but one.
Someone thought it would be smart to continue her work in the space I would need as well. Being as polite as possible, I tried pouring the water around her
since saying, “Hey lady, can’t you see I’m about to pour out some hot water here?!” doesn’t really work in this situation.Instead, it ended up on the front of my pants.
Talk about painful. Lesson learned - it takes, “OK, now I have hot water down my pants,” before said party finally moves out of your way.
Rather than help the injured person, these women proceeded to ignore the situation that just unfolded.
* I guess when you’re so busy caring about the welfare of the needy in the community, you sometimes forget about the welfare of those around you.
Silly me.
After 15 minutes of cleaning up the mess I made (alone) while ignoring the searing pain in my legs, I high tailed it out of Stepford zombie land.
Another new member bites the dust.
Luckily, I only suffered first degree burns. Unluckily, I might be nursing some nasty wounds in some very sensitive areas.
Foolishly, I thought you would be finished after that, Dear Thursday.
Then you started raining, and dare I say, snowing. My niece told me she hated me, but then consoled my hurt legs with two pictures. Crisis averted. And just when I thought the drama was done for the evening, you went and took things up a notch.
The organizer of the morning’s event called to see how I was doing. I began thinking maybe these zombie women really are nice.
You sure had me fooled, Thursday!
It wasn't long before she mentioned the fateful words "to make sure you aren't suing," that I realized the true intent of her phone call. Ah, the naive newcomer.
So there you have it, Thursday. You managed to dash all hopes of my new community in one clean swoop.
Luckily, Friday is here to save you.
This morning, the swelling on my legs has gone down and we were just comped for some overpriced personal envelopes from Cartier that are now being sent to our new home. Looks like things aren’t so bad, after all.
Now if only you’ll teach me how to rid the world of those zombie Stepfords…
*One person did ask if I was OK a few times, but at this point I was so shocked by the surrounding women's behavior that I just told her I was fine so I could get out of there quicker.
Image from here.