Hidden Treasure

***Serious Post Alert***

During my shower this morning, I thought about what I would blog about today. Normally, I don’t think about it. It just comes to me when I sit down and begin writing. I like it that way. But today was different. I thought about it.

My heart knew what the topic should be, but my head just wasn’t there yet.

I’ve been a bit bummed lately, letting the dreary, gray days get to me, so when I woke up and learned that I won a giveaway, I was ecstatic. It gave me a reason, however slight, to be happy today. That reason soon vanished, because, in the name of anonymity, I refused to provide my name. Fine. Back to bum.

I continued checking my e-mail and came across my first daily devotional. It said, “And I will give you treasures hidden in the darkness – secret riches. I will do this so you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, the one who calls you by name.” Isaiah 45:3 (NLT). The author then interpreted the script.

But I saw it in a different light.

I’ve always believed that things happen for a reason. What that reason is, we might never know, but sometimes if we look hard enough we can find it. I think that reason is the treasure hidden among darkness. When I feel as if there is no light at the end of the tunnel, it is the secret riches, should I find them, which keep me whole. Keep me solid.

When I read that, my head caught up with my heart.

Out of respect for privacy, I didn't blog about this. Husby made a respectful request and I obliged. But now I have found the hidden treasure in my darkness and it is time to share. We might get into an argument over this. I am prepared for the repercussions, because I hold His secret riches.

On May 5th, I was diagnosed with a missed miscarriage.

I was 11 weeks pregnant. Our baby had stopped growing after the 9th week. I received a D&C that day. I will never forget the moments of that day. My only thought at the time was, “Only two more weeks. That’s all I needed before I hit my second trimester and was safe from miscarriage.” Tears wash over me still.

Knowing the chances of miscarriage are high in the first trimester, we kept our pregnancy hidden. At first only our family knew, but as the pregnancy wore on and we were into the second month, we began sharing the love with a few of our closest friends. But even knowing the chances of miscarriage were high, we still didn’t understand just how common and likely it really was until it happened to us.

Then there was a period of darkness. We cried. We yelled. We ached. And slowly, time healed our wounds. Our two week trip to Italy couldn’t have been timed better. It was the perfect anecdote and we finally became “us” again. But in the darkness, God left us with a hidden treasure.

He left us with love.

Without love I don’t think we would have made it through the night. Love surrounded every inch of our beings. It radiated from us. It supported us. It kept us whole. It kept us solid.

I never questioned my choice of husband. I whole heartedly love him. But after this event, I know, because God has given me the secret riches, that he is my love and I his. Forever.

Every once in a while, the darkness still comes to engulf me, but instead of using a trivial giveaway to make me smile, I will think of His hidden treasure – my love, my Husby – and that light will shine more brightly than anything else I could summon to replace it.